I was raised a Catholic, but never fully became one. Crap childhood, etc, difficult times prevented that... But any who, I've always been a big proponent of the phrase "If you want to help, stop praying and do something." (Which I think I made up some time in the ninth grade...) And I pretty much live my life by that.
Everything that I can do, I do. Which is good, right? No lazy clasped hands here.
But, like I said before, I am a Catholic at heart, guilt and prayers and all. Emphasis on prayers. I say my prayers most every night. For quite a while, I knew all of my prayers in Latin, actually. But they never actually impacted me as much as they "should have." Which sucks, but I figured it just showed how much actually getting your hands dirty to achieve your goals means. Prior to Sebastian, I didn't really think much of it. I find myself having a growing appreciation for prayers aside from their ability to calm me after a particularly traumatic event, such as a loss, nightmare, or fight. That's beside the point.
The point is, I find myself fearing for him terribly. It's normal for me, as I am a self-confessed paranoid worrier. It's what I do.
But this is
not something I
like having on my mind.
I know my soldier, I know he is smart, dedicated, learned, clever, strong and devoted to his ever-present standard of excellence in all that he does.... I know that he is a protector, brave and true. I know that he was always meant to be a soldier, because for some odd reason, it's in his blood. He wouldn't be him if he weren't a soldier.
But, I also know that he is human, and sometimes humans miss things. Things that can get them or someone else hurt--or even worse-- killed.
And that is something that terrifies me. It terrifies me because even though I have been in situations with no control before, I have
always fought my way out. Always. Here, I do not have that luxury. Here, I am completely powerless, set to rely on he and the men and women that he work with. I can't go with him to Texas yet, and I will have no way of knowing how he is or where he is when he is deployed, except for letters and skype calls and phone calls.
As I mentioned earlier, I am Catholic. When I freak out, I tend to look for prayers. Prayers on anything.. because I can list them for future moments of weakness and worry. I just happened to stumbled upon a rather interesting one.
Have you ever heard of St. Sebastian? Neither had I before a few nights ago. He is the patron saint of all Soldiers. *Guess this explains how it's in his blood
:-p* Here is his prayer (which also happens to have a nice bit of background on him, too.)
Dear Commander at the Roman Emperor's court,
You chose to be also a soldier of Christ
And dared to spread faith in the King of Kings,
For which you were condemned to die.
Your body, however, proved athletically strong and the executing arrows extremely weak.
So another means to kill you was chosen
And you gave your life to the Lord.
May Soldiers be always as strong in their faith as their Patron Saint so clearly has been. Amen.
Amen.
